The tears dry, without you

Sometimes, she thinks it's not going to last. She'll come back and he'll be gone.

Her happiness burns bright and quick, then extinguishes. Her friends flock together like birds and then disappear, one by one. Her life is balanced between extremes. Tilting one way and then the next. Nothing lasts, nothing solidifies into something permanent. She's simply meant for survival. She's meant to live for the sake of living. She is waiting for her borrowed time, her borrowed happiness, to end.

She is waiting for him to disappear forever.

She thinks, sometimes, that she was always meant to survive alone.

--

She never learned to braid. She knows knots by heart, executes them with easy confidence, but braids leave her hopeless.

Terezi braids with that confidence, one hand over the other. They grow more elaborated with each pile, each time the Disciple sits in front of her with trust and lets her so close to her neck. At first it's just loops, secured with clips and next it's beads. One day it's a feather, the next Terezi found a little dragon she wants to dangle.

She cuts her off at a little figure of Snow, looped in a noose of black.

Aug 2 - Met Eddie | 24 | 20+10+5 (35) USED
Aug 2 - Reunite with Nemo | 27 | 20+10+5 (35) USED
Aug 3 - Met Ammond | 26 | 20+10 (30) USED
Aug 4 - Met Jay | 26 | 20+10 (30) USED
Aug 4 - Met Sasha | | 20+10+5+5 (40) USED
Aug 5 - Fish Sake & meeting Mew | 16 | 20+10 (30) USED
Aug 5 - Fish Sake with Jay | 11 | 10 (10) USED
Aug 12 - Disciple & Wishing Pond | 30 (30) USED
Aug 12 - Meeting Iron Giant | 18 | 20+10 (30) PENDING
Aug 1 - Jay at Wishing Pond | 11 | 10 (10) USED

Aug 15 - Spent 40 points on dress & 60 points on kitten

Aug 15 - Wishing pond with Nemo | 6 | 0 (0)
Aug 18 - Met Mika | 15 | 20+10 (30) PENDING
Aug 18 - Met Kreutzer | 19 | 20+10 (30) PENDING
Aug 18 - Meet human!Karkat | 11 | 20+10 (30)
Aug 21 - Meet human!Gamzee | 23 | 20+10+5 (35)
Aug 31 - Meeting the other Bertie | 16 | 20+10 (30)
Sept 17 - Kitten post | N/A | 30 (30)
Sept 23 - Meeting Nyanpire | 3 | 20 (20)

Oct 1 - ACTIVITY CHECK Used 50 points
Oct 3 - Meeting Lili | 11 | 20+10 (30) USED

Oct 12 - Body regain Used 100 points

Oct 15 - New Body bb | N/A | 30 (30)
Oct 15 - Innuendo thread with Nemo and later Bertie | 29 | 10+5 (15)
Oct 16 - Jay confuses her for Zho | 14 | 10 (10) PENDING
Oct 16 - Meeting Hajime | 17 | 20+10 (30)
Oct 17 - Talking with Eddie | 13 | 10 (10)
Oct 19 - Nemo gets his body back and makeouts | 4 | 0 (0)
Oct 30 - Meeting Kurai | 7 | 20 (20) USED
Nov 1 - Going basket searching with Bertie and Jay | 14 | 10 (10)
Nov 3 - Meeting Terezi | 25 | 20+10+5 (35)
Nov 7 - Warren suspicions | 24 | 20+10+5 (35)

Nov 9 - Activity Check Used 50 points

Nov 12 - Meeting Sollux | 11 | 20+10 (30) USED
Nov 12 - Sasha the purrbeast | 14 | 10 (10)
Nov 12 - Meeting Natalie | 8 | 20 (20) USED

December AC - USED 50

January AC - Took a pass

Jan 1 - Eddie @ Christmas party | 10 | 10 | (10)
Jan 5 - Eridan @ Board | 10 | 10 (10)
Jan 5 - Meeting Sollux | 17 | 10 (10)
(Jan 20 - Bertie Rezi blackflirts | 13 | 10 | (10)
Jan 20 - Ashen at Bertie and Terezi | 13 | 10 (10)
Talking to Sollux and Sasha | 16 | 10 | (10))
[Jan 20 - Terezi response Nonsense | 224 | 10+105 (115)]
Jan 20 - Dustin rants | 4 | 20 | (20)
Jan 29 - Meeting Bakura | 1 | 20 (20)

FEB AC

Feb 2 - Meeting Kelt | 11 | 20+10 (30)
Feb - Bee Embuzzy Post | 18 | 10 (10)
Feb 5 - Correction of Eridans | 60 | 10+5+5+5+5+5 (35)
TOTAL: 360

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Date - <a href="link">Description</a> | Comment total | 0 <b>(0)</b>

OUT of CHARACTER
Name: Terra
Other characters: None.

IN CHARACTER
Name: The Disciple (Meulin Leijon)
Fandom: Homestuck
Canon point/AU: Several sweeps after Signless' Death
PB: Art/Fanart
History:
Little information was given on Disciple in canon but there is a link to her wikipedia page below. The rest is what can be inferred.

The life of the Disciple could be said to start long before she was born, in a different universe in fact. On the world 'Beforus', there were twelve trolls who lived in a world of comparable safety to our own, but with a built in caste by blood color. The Disciple was called Meulin Leijon and she played a game that caused the end of their universe. Their universe, referred to as the Alpha Universe, was 'scratched' and reborn as a new universe, the Beta Universe. As with all the other trolls of the Alpha Universe, she was reborn there.

The Disciple was born as Meulin Leijon on the harsh world of Alternia with a representative symbol that is closest to the Leo Zodiac symbol. She was an oliveblood, around the middle of a spectrum of blood colors that ranged from the impossibly low rust red to the impossibly high and impossibly rare tyrian purple. Her life as a troll in the middle was certainly more comfortable than lowerbloods. While her early life isn't illuminated on in the series itself, she must have lost her lusus, the guardian creature who shares her bloodcolor, before meeting with a peaceful, yet rebellious troll who went by Signless. She followed him after hearing his words of peace and equality for all trolls and wrote down all his words. During their travels, she became known as his Disciple, or the Disciple.

Near the end of their journeys and rebellion, their group had settled into four; The Disciple, The Signless, The Dolorosa, and the Psiionic. Unfortunately, the violent nature of the world caught up to them and Signless was executed. The Dolorosa was enslaved and eventually murdered and the Psiionic was turned into a glorified power source for a ship. The Disciple herself was spared thanks to a troll having pity on her and she lived the rest of her days as an exiled hermit. Though it is thanks to her living that anyone knew of the Signless' words and teachings.

Also worth mentioning is the existence of her descendant, a troll who shared the same symbol and blood color as herself, named Nepeta Leijon. She lived many many sweeps after the Disciple

While this much we can infer from the little mentioned in canon, not much else is known. The Disciple is only mentioned in the context of the Signless.

Presentation:

The Disciple has changed much over the course of her life. A safely middle level citizen became a revolutionary and then a sad exiled hermit. The Disciple of revolution was much like the Meulin of Beforus. A bubbly optimistic girl, easily excited and easy to forgive other, Disciple grew up with a harsher world but the same bright outlook. It was at the death of her Signless that the Disciple finally could not forgive and the splits between her and her past self become more evident. Where Meulin always forgave and kept positive, Disciple retreated within herself. Hardened by heartbreak and regret, the Disciple appeared tough and harsh. She ran from death and that is all she runs from it seems. Everything else is taken head on and she is slow to back down or bend to others will. She is always on alert, careful to see danger coming. She is, however, a pacifist if she can possibly help it. While she can and will kill, she puts all her effort into defending and incapacitating rather than murdering.

She is slow to trust strangers and alliances are made with a knowledge that she cannot expect them to keep their end of the bargain. Speaking with her is an exercise in patience for those who are not familiar with her. She's cagey at best and while her word speak of sadness or regret, she'll never show the emotions on her face. She strives for calm and fearlessness in the face of defeat. Weakness should be crushed or ignored.

The Disciple has a sharp tongue and the knowledge to put it to use. Foolish naivete is struck down just as quickly as calls of violent rebellion but her ideals still spill forth when she least expects it. It is sure to get her in trouble and already has on more than one occasion.

Another side of her comes out altogether when those she cares for come about. She protects. She mourns. It is simply what she does and what she feels she is good at. If anyone took anything away from seeing her, she would want it to be that is someone who is a guardian of others. The hardened woman she shows to those she does not know shifts into a protector and a defender. All the emotions she would rather the world not know she can feel pour out: love, grief, betrayal, sorrow. Feeling vulnerable and weak is something she does as little as possible and she seeks to not show attachment in the face of danger.

Motivations:

All things aside, The Disciple was, and always is, a creature of faith and love. Even in her past life, Meulin was a devout believer of Kurloz and though her loyalties have changed, her internal need to have an ideal has not. She strives to hold up the ideals of peace and equality even when she feels they cannot be brought to fruition. In fact, she is quite sure they cannot and the ideals took her love from life; It's a conflict she deals with every time she speaks to a follower. She wants so desperately for this to be a truth, that love and equality and peace can triumph over hate, that she preaches what she is not sure she believes. Beneath all her attempts to pretend she is too hardened to care, she still has a hopeful heart. She still wants the equality. She still wants peace. She still wants love and compassion to triumph. She just know it's a foolish hope.

She is also filled with regret and a deep sense of survivor's guilt. It rules her nightmares and while she knows that all those she knew wanted her alive, she still wishes she could have done more. She's sure all would loathe to know she is at least somewhat free, even if she can never return to society. She wants to repay them somehow and it always lingering in the back of her mind that all three would have been a better choice to keep his word alive than herself.

Despite all of these regrets, she wants to survive. Surviving when she is the only one left is the only way she can repay them, she feels, so she must keep his word alive. Not only his word, honestly, but their memories and dreams. By staying alive, she can at least show others how they all lived and what they were like. This promise to herself to keep writing of them forever is how she coped. A life spent devoted to them was all she had to give.

Setting:

Disciple is coming from a hard time in her life, after much of what she loved had been lost. Violence as a rule is expected in her world but she had thus far been able to avoid killing other trolls. In the end she could react in two ways to the ultimate endgame of 'kill or let yourself be killed': Let herself die to protect let those she is aligned with or kill preemptively to protect them. And really I'm not sure which will come about! That's the best part, she could go either way depending on how her cr affects her judgement.

The rebellion is also a big reason for my character choice. Given that all her worlds plans for a peaceful revolution failed, I want to bring up her conflicting ideas about rebellion. If it can work at all and if it can succeed with or without violence.

SAMPLES
First Person Thread:

She simply holds the device in her hands for a few minutes, staring down at herself on it's screen. She died but she's alive. Simple as that. What can she tell them that they did not know? Looking away, disinterested, she speaks to the room around her rather than her device.]

I hope you enjoyed it.

[Isn't that they want]

I did not. A broken wrist takes me out of commission it seems.

[She twists the wrist once broken. Good as new. Perfect. It's ridiculous. Her throat has no scar from where she bled out. Her fall on rocks leaves no marks on her legs. The scars she came with are the only ones that remain. Ridiculous. How could they even know?]

But apparently that won't be a problem in the future. I don't know how you brought me back but I suppose I'm grateful. If not disturbed. Death is supposed to be a permanent act.

[A pause]

I don't hate my murderer. He didn't have a choice. None of us do so why hate someone who never met me before that moment. Easier to hate a bug than my killer. The bug had more choice. It was harshly done...

[Then her gaze drops back to her device and her lips shift into a wide manic smile]

But he lived a little longer. So it was worth it.

Prose:

Her hands hung loose at her side. She's not afraid. What was life on Alternia but a constant death match. And her life had been more running than most. She knew death would come some day, what did it matter if she really endeared herself to these people. She never played the games Alternia pressed on her. Why would she bow to these things?

These strange monsters.

But no one seemed to care what she thought or wanted. She's pressed to show off her skills. As if skills mattered as much as blind luck and ruthlessness. What could they possibly want to see? She was small--even for one of these creatures it seems. A mess of wild hair and torn clothing and with fur still wrapped around her shoulders, it was as if she never left her cave. If only she were so fortunate as to be in exile rather than in front of monsters.

She ignored them for several minutes before the obvious lack of open doors and expectant--yet bored--expressions press her to action. Her hands tightened into fists at her waist then went slack. Resigned, she finally snapped into motion.

Stepping past the weapons without giving them a backward glance, she surveys the rest of the room. A dummy across the room made a decent target and she approached it from the side. Circling for a breath, she darts forward and takes it to the floor. It was harder to pretend this was simply an unfortunate animal when it was hard cold metal in her grasp. Her usual biting method won't subdue what has no throat.

She made do. A quick sharp snap that makes a ringing metallic noise in the large room seperated head from body. Shapes that made a person yet do not at all--they sickened her. She wanted to run. How long ago had she stop seeing killing as normal? How long would it take her to see it as normal again?

There, crouched over her prey in grief, she raised wild eyes to the judges and growled.


What is your character scored: Disciple scores somewhere between an 8 and a 10. She's a skilled huntress and able to take beasts twice her size, so killing something is not a problem. And her survival skills are top notch given that the spent the last several sweeps of her life successfully hiding and the sweeps before Signless's death helping to provide for a group of four. Yet, she's become quite the pacifist since becoming a disciple of Signless and the act of killing another person would be hard. She prefers to defend herself and run rather than kill and that won't make her interesting to a Capitol used a bloodbath.

To the Capitol, she would be too blunt and honestly, too sad, to be a crowd favorite but playing her up as a wild fierce warrior woman might gain her points. With Signless, Psiionic and Nepeta in the game, there's a lot of potential for heartbreaking fights and thrilling confrontations that could get her a lot of crowd approval.